It is official. Not only have I had a doctor tell me that I appear an astonishingly ten years younger than my chronological age, Google has inferred my age to be ten to fifteen years younger than my birth certificate claims. Now that is a morale booster if ever there was one! It was through simple due-diligence that I discovered that Google placed my age between 35 and 44. I followed a thread deeper and deeper into Google’s administrative world to discover these revealing policies.
Transparency in advertising was adopted by Google. This means any user can find out what Google is telling advertisers about them as well as which advertisers they are telling. I am flattered, truly flattered, that the shopping, research and queries I make have led Google to believe I am a youthful, say.... 37 year old woman!
However, before I dwell on the number of times I am still called “miss” or count the times I have been asked for identification before buying wine, I must dispel all myths about my actual appearance. I look my age. Crow’s-feet, gray hair and a new acquaintance with gravity prove my point. I am not terribly distressed about this fact except when I discover there are a lot of clothes that I simply can not consider appropriate. Gone are tube tops and belly shirts and miniskirts and slits in skirts that do anything more than allow ease of movement. Bathing suits that fit into zip-lock sandwich bags are no longer tucked away in my drawer. Nor do baby-doll dresses or avant-garde designs fit into my lifestyle. I am most heartbroken about the shoes, ohhhhh the shoes I can no longer wear. I lust after slim, high-heeled, open-toed pumps in a deep burgundy with black trim. Alas, in my lifetime, it is unlikely my feet will ever see a heel over a trim 1 1/2”. I wear “sensible” shoes. And, to make a bleak truth bleaker, I expect I will be wearing wides in the not too distant future. Shoes aside, there is no tampering with time. Our ability to measure it is limited to one dimension -- forward. With that truth in hand, I will continue to wear the most beautiful, sensible shoes I can find, I will dress as attractively as my budget and imagination allow, and I will use a emollient-rich face cream every night. I am certain Google will tell me which ones.