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Monday, May 7, 2012

Heaven's Rafters

Frank Children 1994

There are strikingly clear moments in life. Sometimes clarity gently floats down, nudging my consciousness, until, Yes! I understand. There was a period of three weeks after I first dated my husband that I was gradually filled with the knowledge that this was the man I would marry.  It was nearly another ten years before our marriage vows were pledged, but my intentions did not waiver.    
At other moments, the delineation between not knowing and knowing, between not believing and believing have been sudden, stark and profound.  There was before and there was after.  The thin blue line on the First Response Pregnancy Test was an example of a before and an after.  Once I read the result, I wrapped the thin test stick again and again within the folds of tissue paper, then made an envelope from paper towel to contain it before slipping it into my brief case. I wanted to show my husband that, here, this is exactly when our lives changed.  Each one of my children, by the simple act of entering my life, shattered my notion of who I was. Theoretically, I had close to nine months to acclimate to the changing role of motherhood. Nver-the-less, it felt like an overnight transformation.  Next weekend, my oldest child graduates from college.  Her life veers into a new direction; her address labels will now read Providence, Rhode Island.  My second child is beginning her second year working in Manhattan.  My son will be working at a media internship this summer.  I feel I can relax my vigilance. Wafting down from heaven’s rafters comes faith and hope and love.  And the sure knowledge that I am blessed.

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