I started the day with one clear intention; I wanted to make this a day that I am loving in word and deed. It has occurred to me that the times I am most unhappy are those times that I feel misunderstood and unloved. In essence, I am relying on the people in my life to provide for me emotionally. I am curious what would happen if I focus my attention on what I give myself? And on what I give others? Rather than seeing what they give me? In other words, I will let the people in my life open my gift to them without considering whether they have a gift for me. It is all about intention. I am reminded of a weight training program I try to follow. The trainer emphasized that, rather than focusing on the lift alone, the effort of curling a barbell up should equal the effort of curling it down. That slight shift in my attention significantly enhanced my "body-sculpting" results. The weights grew lighter.
From early childhood, I learned to read people. Their faces, their body language, their lips. My aunt who lived with us was nearly deaf and was a lip-reader. We became a family of lip-readers. With my eyes fixed on someone’s face, I studied their words as they formed. Usually, before their thoughts were even uttered, I was reading how they sat or stood. Did they lean in toward me as they spoke or did they sit, arms crossed, foot jiggling? My mother was, unknowingly, my teacher. I watched her in her relationship with my father; how she would gauge his state of mind and then, skillfully, mold herself to him. I am proposing that I give up those ways. What would happen if I steadfastly, and without compromise, live lovingly? What’s more, what if live as me, without apology or adaptation? Such high-minded thinking is easiest when all is right with the world. It is when the world, my world, is topsy-turvy and unstable that my musings are most tested. However, to be myself, to tell my truth and to be kind to others seems like a fairly sound strategy regardless of circumstance. And you know, before too long, those barbells I am lifting will seem to defy gravity.
My favorite line from Gravity is "When I walk, I touch the sky."
Written and performed by Lucy Schwartz.