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Thursday, March 29, 2012


I started the day with one clear intention; I wanted to make this a day that I am loving in word and deed.  It has occurred to me that the times I am most unhappy are those times that I feel misunderstood and unloved.  In essence, I am relying on the people in my life to provide for me emotionally.  I am curious what would happen if I focus my attention on what I give myself?  And on what I give others?  Rather than seeing what they give me?  In other words, I will let the people in my life open my gift to them without considering whether they have a gift for me.  It is all about intention. I am reminded of a weight training program I  try to follow.  The trainer emphasized that, rather than focusing on the lift alone, the effort of curling a barbell up should equal the effort of curling it down.  That slight shift in my attention significantly enhanced my "body-sculpting" results. The weights grew lighter. 
From early childhood, I learned to read people. Their faces, their body language, their lips.  My aunt who lived with us was nearly deaf and was a lip-reader. We became a family of lip-readers.  With my eyes fixed on someone’s face, I studied their words as they formed.  Usually, before their thoughts were even uttered, I was reading how they sat or stood. Did they lean in toward me as they spoke or did they sit, arms crossed, foot jiggling? My mother was, unknowingly, my teacher.  I watched her in her relationship with my father; how she would gauge his state of mind and then, skillfully, mold herself to him.  I am proposing that I give up those ways.  What would happen if I steadfastly, and without compromise, live lovingly? What’s more, what if live as me, without apology or adaptation?  Such high-minded thinking is easiest when all is right with the world.  It is when the world, my world, is topsy-turvy and unstable that my musings are most tested. However, to be myself, to tell my truth and to be kind to others seems like a fairly sound strategy regardless of circumstance. And you know, before too long, those barbells I am lifting will seem to defy gravity.                                                                        

My favorite line from Gravity is "When I walk, I touch the sky."
Written and performed by Lucy Schwartz.

When I walk I touch the sky
I feel ten feet tall
And I know why

It's everywhere
It's in your eyes
The secret that we can defy

You helped me grow
Now you gotta let me go
Cuz I have learned to fly on my own

And it's gonna be
Pulling on my heart and soul
But I can't go back now that I know

Falling upwards
Catch me if you can
One step forwards
Here we go again

[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lucy-schwartz-lyrics/gravity-lyrics.html -]

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